Below are the 3 most recent journal entries recorded in caddy_shack's LiveJournal:

Monday, September 13th, 2004
9:17 pm	New Day, New Light Hi. I'm not as upset as I was the other day. I thought about things, and sorta figured out where I think I might belong with my friends. I'm glad I have Shanah, I don't even think she knows it, but she is saving me from going completley insane at school. I wish her and I could be way closer. I meen we are getting closer, and we talked tonight on the telephone for a good half hour, so maybe we will? I just don't want Lysan to be all like "your stealing my best friend!" ohhhh how grade 6... anyways, I'm trying not to worry about the "guy" part of my life right now, cus it shouldnt be so important. I'm starting to feel the stresses of all of my classes. I was so close to just dropping my travel class and taking a spare, and coming back an extra sem, but I want to graduate this year! That way I can be in Australia quicker. Maybe it is a good class to take then? Anyways, so Simon is coming up this weekend, and he said we could hang out for sure for sure this time, and he told me that he likes me. Wow that made me happy. Imagine finding your soulmate and having them like you back? What an amazing feeling. Anyways, I should get to bed soon! Night journal! Current Mood: excited Current Music: I Hate Everything About You- Three Days Grace (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 11th, 2004
7:04 pm	Fuck Man, I honestly don't understand anything. I don't get emotions and why we have them, I don't get why we love, why we do what we do, why we have "friends" and "family" and I just don't understand me. I have narrowed it down to this: I am having the biggest identity crisis of my life. However I feel like I am being the most selfish person in the world. Fucking Tom Medlands dad died today and I'm sitting here all like "I hate myself" Im such an asshole. I can't even write anymore. Current Mood: depressed (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 8th, 2004
4:14 pm	New Journal, New School Year, New Perspective...hopefully Hi Journal, I had to stop writing in my other journal becasue I knew that too many people knew what my name was and I don't want too many people reading my journal. Especially some un named ex-boyfriend who I don't want to make sad in case he sees someone I like or, somone I did or some jazz like that. SO yesterday I began the end of my time in highschool. It was pretty ok. My sleep patterns are messssssed up from summer, and it's weird not smoking weed everyday. But I guess it's just a routime that you have to get yourself back into, right? There are a lot of little people running around, and that doesn't bother me as much as the little people who think they own my school. But whatever, I can handle it. I so far have met only 2 guys that I would actually consider dating, and fortunatly (sarcasm) they are hockey players. Fuck eh! Someone said to me today that yah they will act nice to you, but they just want to fuck you. You know, honestly, I just want a nice boyfriend who is going to treat me well and not tell ALL of our sex stories to everyone in the world so that everyone can call me slut a bit more. That's why I miss Diego so much (Diego was a Spanish guy who came here from Spain for two months and we had a little summer thing), anywyas, like I know it was just a stupid summer hook up or whatever, but he was always holding me, always letting everyone know that we belonged together. If anyone asked, he didn't tell. Well, he smiled a bit I guess, but all guys are going to give away some info. Man Sean is leaving, and I promised myself that before sumemr ended (or before he left) that I would kiss him. Now, you must understand that Sean is a third year university student, so probably aroun 22? Anywyas, I work with him and I met him last summer and completely fell in love with him, but I never told him. So he came back this summer and I tried to make it obvious how much I liked him, and I'm sure from the signals he was giving me, he liked me back, but nothing ever happend! God dammit. He invited me to spend his last night with him tonight (and no one is home at his house) but I am supposedly grounded from my truck becasue of this "party" that I had when my parents were away. Anyways, I don't want my entries to turn into whiney pity parties about why I don't have a decent boyfriend. Honestly thou, like I'm not trying to be concided, but I don't think I'm the ugliest duck in the world. I could lose some weight, I could wear more makeup, I WANT A NICE LOOKING BOYFRIEND WHO WILL TREAT ME GOOD! Arg. So ok, this year will be all fresh. I decided to approach it with Yoga in my mind. Stay tranquil and calm, and don't get involved in other peoples bussiness if it doesn't affect me. Simple enough, well simpler said than done I suppose, but we'll see. Keetha and I (My BEST friend) have found ourselves to be wanderers again, like in grade 9, but I'm ok with that. I love her company and I like being social and being able to be accepted into any group we walk over too. Mom come home from Scotland tomorrow, and I wont even get to see her before she leave for Hawaii for 2 weeks. I miss her so much. And I need her. Anywyas, supper is going to be ready dsoon and I should do some laundry. So night. Current Mood: anxious Current Music: no music just calming sounds in my head (Comment on this)